Every month, there's always sth big happening huh? Since i end up posting once a month on this blog. Just so happens that today is the last day of August. I don't even know if you still check this place. Anyway, what's up lately? Conversations are short, emo almost. Feels like you don't want to talk anymore. Whatever your reason, only you will know it, and i won't force you to tell me things if you don't want to. Anyways, jia you!

I need to get rid of some of my anger. It's been sickening. This particular woman is beginning to piss me off. BIG TIME. Just because we were talking a bit louder than usual, you raise your voice as if we're little children who cannot listen to instructions. How about some self reflecting on your control on your own  feelings?? You're mood swinging like a maniac and its irritating. I don't know what problems you have Mdm, but seriously, venting your frustrations on other people is not going to do the trick. Do something about it. Geez. She actually threw a marker at the person sitting behind me just cos she was talking. I was tempted not to pick up the marker for her. So much for a good example.

Tag =)

It feels so long since in signed into this blog! hahaha

Anyway i came here to write about sth i think its weird to talk about. there's this particular person in class that i'm really starting to hate. I don't know why but i guess its got a lot to do with her actions. I thought i could live with her for 2 years. but lately i realised that i couldn't. Staying with her is like a constant proof to myself that i made the wrong choice in sec 2 and she absolutely reminds me of someone i definitely do NOT want to become. Studying as if not getting A was a death situation, i can't put up with that kind of stupid attitude. I haven't talked to her for 2 weeks or more already. I don't want to talk to her, actually. I don't know what made me hate this particular person so bad, but i can't bring myself to be next to her anymore. And she doesn't seem to notice or care. So i thought, i'll just leave it be then, since she doesn't know anything. To her, everything's 'alright'.  I don't think i'll tell you who that person is. But you can pretty much guess.

Oh and DECAY's an absolute ASS. Honestly, i can't find a better curse word for him. Everyday compare! Fine, keep comparing, you can just keep getting more and more disappointed until you shed all those reminding hairs on your head. 

My mental prep for Chinese O levels... isn't even halfway there yet -.- I'll bet you're watching nadal now. Hahaha 

每当我感到伤心难过，更多坏事会发生，使我感到更加难受。 生命真是好难过！学校有怪怪的老师{真是的，我想只好快点找时间和她谈一谈。或者她又来骚扰你了。} O水准考试很快就到了，每个星期都会有一两次考试，学校又有CCA，是我每天回家后，累到很想躺在床上睡大觉。学校也有奇奇怪怪的朋友，有时候会让我仇恨，因为她总是读书读书，只会谈起这些。“拍拖！放松一点！” 我很想告诉她，但是已经一年半了，我已经受了很多次，她死都不会变得。姑姑曾经告诉我过，要喜欢读书，成绩才会好。但是，如果你去学校，老师和朋友们只会增加你需要承受的压力，叫我爱去学校是很难的。我们天都想乐观，谁喜欢每天愁眉苦脸？但是有时候，我真得很后悔自己当时中二的决定。但是都已经过去了，我只好想办法让自己乐观，坚持下去。 好了我看我该去做功课了...最近一直想做SS。。。 哈哈 

i contemplated telling you on msn, but i decided not to. My last attempted at expressing my feelings via msn was a failure. I don't know if this will be a failure as well, but then i can't say i didn't try.  A little birdie told me that both of us were waiting for each other to speak up. I don't know why i'm doing this now. You're probably preparing to go to HK already. But anyway, i'm trying to phrase this as nicely as possible. My last talk with you over MSN was mean and misleading, yes i admit it. I'm sorry abt that. I wanted to stop feeling like shit everyday. When you deleted me off facebook i got angry, super pissed off. Later i found out that it was an accident. And i thought, if it was an accident why couldn't you just come tell me? was the urge to ignore me that great? I'm super confused right now. And i'm doing what i hope and think is best. No one can help me, i know that now. I can listen to people's advice but it all boils down to my own freaking decision, which sucks. I just want to let you know, even if/when we do make up, i can never be as close to you as i was before. Cos i'm scared that the person who was once my best friend will hurt me again. Ignoring me is like pulling me into a ice cold river and leaving me to fight the cold and uncertainty.  I know i cannot change you, and its precisely cos of that i'm feeling so confused right now. Also you don't have to worry abt me complaining to you excessively because i can guarantee, i will not confide or complain to you anytime soon.

So now i want to ask you, Do you still want to be my friend? the degree of closeness we used to have isn't really possible anymore, if you ask me. If yes, then tell me why i should stay friends with you. because i get hurt every time you ignore me. I really can't live with that for a long time. I always hoped that you would tell me what was wrong, so that i can change and learn, even if it means having to cry...but now i know chances of that happening is rather low. I'll accept that but, i've asked my family and my friends, all that's left is you. I'm at a loss whether to break our ties or just carry on as friends. Perhaps you're feeling hurt too sometimes, but i can't read your mind. Its up to you, how you want to respond to this. Sorry if i insulted you but i'm just telling you what i felt after Evan slapped everything into my brain.  It'll be nice if we can just talk again. I won't force you to reply to this. I just hope you read it. 

Random post, of course i have my reasons. How was ct? I thought it was okay. I hope to pass SS and not fail, like the class test. I think elec went quite well. I got a shock when one of the scholars asked me what was a safari. =X Whoops. For the qn abt the photo, i put A as river cliff and B as slip-off slope. So far no one has written the same thing?? >.< Zm keeps complaining about how her grades are dropping. Aren't my grades dropping as well -.- Especially my maths. I feel like going for tuition... i'll see how it goes. I haven't really talked to you lately. At least i feel that way. I'm not blaming anyone, just telling you how i feel. When i talk to you online, i feel that you're only talking abt the things you want to talk abt and other stuff... i dunno how to say this. And i feel lonely, cos when i try to start a conversation, when you reply, i feel like you don't want to reply but you feel obliged to. Now i don't even want to meet your eyes anymore... i don't know how to explain why. That's just the way I am. Somehow, i think i don't have an infinity with most people, my general character being so quiet and all. Yet, i enjoy company so much -.- Life sure is hard to satisfy. Some weeks of my life just suck.

Happy New Years' Eve! Unfortunately there's so much stuff bugging me right now. My ipod is spoilt -.- Stupid, i feel damn freaking lonely and sad after yesterday. Too many depressing thoughts. i know that a miracle has to happen if i should find anyone who i want to remember in that class. I know my class is the community that i have to turn to first, whether i want to or not, when i feel sad or anything. But a lot of the people here don't really care and when they can have their own fun, they forget about the feelings of others. I've almost entirely given up trying to find a friend in anyone person in the class anymore. Claudia wrote a letter (apology letter) saying that she knew that she was selfish and didn't care abt my feelings in the last year. I almost wanted to write back to her. "We can't ever be close friends because our personalities just don't match." Some things in relationships cannot be controlled like how not all personalities can always match, charisma in certain people etc and perhaps it was my stupidity and misfortune to come to a class like this. I just want sec 4 year to end, and hopefully in JC, i can go to a class with nicer people. I dun think i want to go to whatever, "Best class in the level anymore". Each time i go to a class like that, i can never truly have fun. dammit, want to cry and tears also dun wanna come out. Mood swings suck =/ I think its Pms symptoms -.-

Hyper~~~ hahaha today is a hyper day :D and I am so crazy and retarded... I was smsing you while eating and I kept laughing :P you know, we should have more sessions like this. At least it wont be so awkward like that day in the canteen when we stare at her and she stare at us. you know, when I asked her in class whether she was free, she was like "I dont want, everytime call me out and at me". hahahaha. cause its seriously awkward when we got nothing to say to her and we ask her to come out. I miss her hair :( I dont like it now :( I am currently still contemplating whether to go out with her on friday... I am worried that its going to be awkward (like how we totally ignored her today when walking to the mrt station). WHOOPS. hahahaha and I am also worried that there might be lots of people from our school at orchard since all of us are released at the same time... what if we see so many people in orchard? sure they may not recognise us, but I dont think they cannot recognise her right? so weird. its like today at the mrt station when I was standing there with her and talking, and people around me are like starring at the both of us... then I was like "I feel damn weird now" and she was like "ok, bye bye..." WHOOPS (again). I got a shock when that guy popped into the picture... that was totally so extra of him to be there... but one good thing was she didnt have to be alone? ok, now I feel so mean dao-ing her :/ so... thank you asshole for popping in? but on the other hand, stupid asshole... make us look like we are one happy family -.- no, not happy. its sisters happy together and *ahem* and *ahem ahem* happy together... and plus they were walking behind... makes it even more like a "happy family"... ok, too much details. but I still find the picture really hilarious... like... ok, you get the point.

yes, I agree that she is mean... hahaha that's why you agreed that I am a nicer person :D actually to think about it, her reasons are quite stupid. and she still dare to swear... sucker... next time you should shout at her ;D I really think I should not help her so much... and I totally loved the face she gave when I told her about her spas. HAHAHA. :D she was walking walking walking and then when I finished, talking, her instant turn and awesome face :P lol. ok... she is so sick of teaching me that she kept asking you to teach. its ok, I didnt expect you to teach... I want her to teach (she keeps bullying you... and me) but somehow, I find her "xian" way of teaching more easily understandable than her normal teaching (should I feedback?) hahahaha. I dont know why, but it went in like instantly and I could understand 95% of what she said. I see the light... (maybe?) hahahaha. ok, so maybe she should just continue doing that and I will get my A1. :D I have never gotten one for any major exams... is that sad or very sad?  hopefully, I will finish my homework as soon as possible and then take out my physics textbook and read it 10 times... get an A1 and smack it into her face :D cool. but my plan ALWAYS fails. I am mad, but I seriously like her "very xian" teaching style. hyper hyper hyper... too bad this is not msn... if not there will be the LOL emoticon... the one with the crazy guy jumping around in circles. seriously, I am so hyper... hahahaha. I love physics... :D now I only like physics and ss... awesome. I hate amaths... there's is like no more relationship between me and amaths... and btw... why on earth did she ask how much my are my tuition fees? she wants amath tuition??? lol. I WANT HER CHINESE TUITION. oh yes, I think she should stop trying to influence me to become like her... do homework in class... use phone everywhere... slack everyday... SUCKER...

Raymond Lam is so cute... he is so cute ALL ALONG. and I am so disappointed that you realised only now... after more than a year trying to convince you that he IS cute, you practically ignored me all the time :( *sobbs* I so do not want to share him with you anymore... hmph! its too late to realise he is cute. pfft!

Haha so fun today. Just now i got so hyper i was screaming to myself. Haha I wonder why? Was it cos of all the (female) hormones? haha Or just how unexpected today was. Xw so clever lor, keep telling me to explain to you, i every pai seh leh. How to explain when you know a teacher is right in front of you? >.< In the end she also went to explain to you herself. Hahaha She go home dilly-dally a lot lor. Hahaha She and DK (we were joking in class that he can be King Keong - sounds like king kong - HAHAHAH)  get along so well. I'll bet while we were walking he was wondering who you were and why we are so close. HAHAH But whatever. Dun care that stupid guy. Hahah i shall leave some stuff for you to write abt. But i must say this. I think she is damn bad at making excuses. Hahah how can someone be so stupid larh -.- Walking right in front of you, even my voice also dunno meh! I dun even sound like Tanaya. Hahahaha she needs to be more creative to think of more excuses. Anyway she got her retribution. haha the fan blew her papers onto the floor like 4 times and she was looking at me after she just picked up one of her papers (again) so i was trying to give her the smug look. Hahahah And you helped me scold her too. HAHAHAHAHA you shld count how many 'haha's are in this post. HAHAHa hopefully i can be just as enthusiastic tmr =D And i can have more fun. Whee~ being high is so fun. hahaha Ohoh and lin feng super cute in la femme desperado. 好可爱！！！！Even cuter than Junsu. Hahaha So innocent also. I was feeling so bad for him when the girl he liked tried to seduce him for her friend but then she fell in love with him too! so happy for him. Hahahahahaha